Fields: Mr. Abbott, I don’t understand how you can run around with a nincompoop like Lou Costello.

Abbott: I wouldn’t dream of inflicting him on anybody else. I ought… Oh god, here he comes.

Fields (to Costello): Well, my boy, did you get the toothache drops like I told you to?

Costello: Uh huh.

Fields: Good. Now take a few drops, put it on your finger, stick your finger in your mouth, and rub it on the bad tooth.

Costello: I can’t do that.

Abbott: Why not?

Costello: I drank it.

Abbott: You..! Another fifteen cents shot. You’re going to make a nervous wreck out of me!

Costello: Well it was good.

Abbott: All you do is cause me trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble!

Fields: Just a minute Mr. Abbot. It’s very possible that you’re a bad influence on this boy.

Abbott: Now this happens to be no business of yours!

Fields: Oh, you may not know this, Mr. Abbott, but a lot of people in this neighborhood resent your derogatory and insulting treatment of this boy here.

Costello: See there, Abbott? I got friends.

Fields: I should say you have! Just because Lou Costello happens to be a poor, unsophisticated, illiterate bore, with the intelligence quotient of a delinquent midget, Mr. Abbot…

Costello (interrupting): That’s telling him, Mr. Fields!

Fields: And furthermore, Mr. Abbott, is it compensatory for you to abuse this poor unsophisticated incompetent mental moron just because he hasn’t got the common sense of a half-baked imbecile?

Abbott: Look here!

Costello: Now, just a minute, Abbott! Now, you had this coming to you for a long time!

Fields: Yes sir! And another thing, Mr. Abbott: I want you to notice this boy. Notice his blank expressionless countenance. The receding forehead. The peculiar angle at which the ears leave the face. The thickness of his skull. The antediluvian physiognomy of this boy. The close resemblance to the early form of gargantuan ape. Ah ha: can you possibly blame this boy for being a slovenly unkempt grubby-looking crumb?

Costello: How do you like those potatoes, Abbott? Try and get out of that one!

Fields: Now, Mr. Abbott, I know what you’re thinking. Don’t quibble! You must admit that you’ve seen much more intelligent looking specimens than Lou Costello, in cages!

Abbott: I can’t say that!

Costello: Oh, you can say it if you wanna. You just don’t wanna remember, Abbott!

Fields: That’s a boy. Of course that’s how everybody in the neighborhood feels about Lou Costello.

Abbott(leaving): Eh, come on.

Costello: Mr. Fields, would you do me a favor?

Fields: Of course. What is it?

Costello: The next time that you say a lot of nice things about me and you build me up, will you throw in a couple of knocks? I don’t want everybody to think I’m too perfect.

Fields: I’ll be glad to. Well my boy, is your toothache better?

Costello: Yeah, I didn’t even give it a thought!

Fields (slapping Costello on the cheek): Well…!

Costello: Until now! Eee!

It was early in the morning around Thursday, when my family let me off-leash to go cruise the playa to see the art. I was way out in the deep playa, almost at the 12:00 apex of the trash fence, almost as far out as it is possible to be.  I rode my bike up to a cabinet standing alone by itself in the desert. The sun was just over the hills to the east. There was a man and woman about 50 meters away, on a blanket watching the sunrise, but otherwise, I was alone.

The cabinet was a slightly battered-looking piece of furniture, like you would find in a bedroom at a beach rental.  There were some drawers on the left, and two swinging doors, top and bottom.  The drawers were screwed shut.  The bottom door was secured with some heavy steel rings, locked with a bicycle lock, the kind that you dial in a combination of four letters and it releases. As I parked my bicycle and walked up to the cabinet, I could hear a woman’s voice from within, telling a story.  Here is what I heard, retold as best I can remember 6 weeks later… Continue reading →

I have never been much of a whisky(uisge) drinker.  Until a month or two ago, I had no particular interest in whisky, and I would have said that all whiskies pretty much tasted the same, and not particularly good.

Then, my wife bought me a bottle of Caol Ila (“COOL-Aye-la”), which tasted distinctly different:  It tasted like no substance I could ever remember trying before.  I was not sure I liked it, but it seemed so odd I kept trying it to figure it out.

One day I tried comparing it to some other whiskey (Bushmills, I think) that I happened to have on the shelf.  Bushmills still tastes like pretty much other whiskies, in my opinion.  In the comparison, I discovered to my surprise that I liked Caol Ila.

I shared these thoughts with my wife (who normally doesn’t drink at all), and she tried a small sip:  “It’s peat.”  She has traveled extensively in Ireland and Scotland; the odd smell & taste that I couldn’t figure out was instantly recognizable to her.

When the bottle ran out (a month later?) I thought about getting another – but at ~$55/bottle this is a vice I do not want to acquire as a habit.  Still, I remained curious: were there other whiskies with this same flavor?  WhiskyForEveryone.com helpfully provided a chart with whiskies (all scotch) sorted by “peatiness”, measured as phenol parts per million (PPM).

(Aside: There is apparently one Irish whiskey that is also peated: Connemarra.)

Long-story-short: I went out to buy more peated whiskies “for science“.  The first liquor store I tried didn’t have Caol Ila (30-35 PPM) and so I tried Highland Park (20 PPM, $50/bottle).  They carried Lagavulin, (35-40 PPM) but at $70/bottle, that was a non-starter for me. Highland Park was similar to Caol Ila, but not as good.  Later I tried another store, and they also did not carry Caol Ila, and so I tried Laphroaig. (40-43 PPM, $40/bottle)

Before trying Laphroaig, I didn’t get the connection between “peaty” and “smoky”.  Laphroiag, in my opinion, is so smoky, it’s like drinking liquid campfire.  It’s got the peat kick of Caol Ila, but too much (in my current opinion).

I will experiment with blending Laphroaig with other non-smoky beverages to mellow it back to tasty, but so far, Caol Ila has a fascinating peat richness without being overpowering.  I guess maybe I’m a whisky drinker after all.

Zette took the Risacher family to “ArtJamz” in Crystal City this morning.  The event was held in the 11th floor of Crystal Square 5, which is one of the buildings across the street from my old office building. There is a lot of empty office space in Crystal City since BRAC Recommendation 133 was implemented.

Since I spent a great deal of time in Crystal City office buildings, being in vacated office space repurposed as an art venue is eerie, or a least cognitively dissonant.

But the light was fabulous and I don’t usually paint, so it was a fun change of pace.